The Ego, Self-Image and the Resistance to Accepting Critique

Got an email today, which got me to thinking about the 98-2 Rule, which I just invented and will be in my next post.

This email raised the question about why do people resist help from others. Here is my reply to the question.

>> Why are men so reluctant to learn from each other?

In sports, men learn from other male coaches. In business, men have mentors. Guess the ego needs to be willing to accept input from where it is offered. A person with a sincere desire to learn above all else will seek knowledge wherever they can find it. If other priorities, like self-esteem, are more important than knowledge, the person will put up barriers to protect their self-image.

>> What is it? False pride? Fear of male competition?
>> Thinking about WHO (who one wants to listen to) as
>> opposed to WHAT (what one wants to learn)?

Yes all those things. Fundamentally self-image, I suppose.

>> I see a whole lot of men (and women) hurt themselves
>> by shielding away potentially beneficial input.

Absolutely. I do it to my own detriment and have to catch myself. Human nature, I guess to protect the ego.

>> Also, many people fail to ask themselves what they are
>> trying to accomplish, i.e. Giving their partner an enjoyable
>> experience, or showing off, etc. And then, even if they choose
>> the former, they fail to ask, "WHAT makes the experience enjoyable?"

Consider yourself lucky you think this way. I do. Gives us an advantage to catch and surpass the competition.

I played beach volleyball for many years. Crushing a spike in warm ups wows the crowd, but does not score any points. Mastering basic skills and eliminating mistakes wins tournaments, not fancy plays.

Same with social dancing. If you are putting on a show for the audience, you want to wow the crowd.

If you want to wow your partner, seems to me the best way is to make it easy for her so she feels good about what she is doing. The best way to do that I think is to be really, really good with the basics. Try to perfect keeping time with the music, walking, balance, communication.

That is my strategy, exactly the same I use for every sport I played. I just practice the 98% we need all the time and do not worry about the 2% fancy stuff. You see a lot of people spending their limited time practicing the fancy stuff they hardly every use and hardly ever practice the basics they use all the time.